Destruction, chaos, and the brink of financial ruin, I kind of love you

I couldn't put this post up yesterday because, hello, destruction on September 11, not cool and all that. I did think sorrowful thoughts though, and when I woke up I checked online news first thing to see if any anniversary events of violence were ongoing, because I worry about such things. I thought sorrowful thoughts about us all collectively, and about a friend who was activated right after and served in Iraq and who, I think, has suffered for the experience and I am sorrowful for her pain. However, the demo man was scheduled and wanted to begin ripping down the old to make way for the new. Our man has not been busy in recent months given the lack of new construction and fewer folks remodeling their homes, so he was ready to start right away as soon as he could organize the men, machines, and dump trucks.



I loved the sounds of my trashy old building being smashed to smithereens. It amazed me that the wood crunched so in so satisfying a way, and sounded not unlike dry tinder under my feet on a walk in the woods.



The man in the bobcat could not stop smiling as he pulled the building down. Neither could I! I was filming the demo process for my kids to see later and I kept finding myself shouting "Sweet" or "I am so glad they started they work when I could take the day off" or "Honey, the kids will love this" and really meaning that I loved it and couldn't get enough. After he pulled the whole building down I was tired, as if I'd done it myself.



City building officials have been incredibly aggravating. This project ups my debt level to heretofore unknown levels.



I am doing the dance of joy.




We borrowed the money for this part of our project eighteen months ago, before the crashiest part of the economic crash. We meant to do the garage last year, but were sidetracked by the length of time it took us to finish the basement, redo the main bathroom and have a baby with greater than expected needs. Had we not financed it then, we might not have been able to, given the drop in property values. Did I wonder about the wisdom of completing the project? Well, yes, but I got over it. I noticed yesterday as the old garage was demolished, I had no misgivings at all about these expenses, and it was pretty liberating. I can hyperventilate some about expenditures. Twenty years ago I might go clothes shopping to blot our some emotional upset, and feel a little sick as I charged my way through comfort buying but it never stopped me. When I got student loans I worried about the mortgage on my head. When I purchased my first home I had many sleepless nights thinking about how I could possibly borrow so much. Somehow yesterday I felt no such misgivings, and I still can't figure out entirely why.

Am I happy to pump thousands of dollars into the local economy? Am I a good neighbor, showing my civic pride in improving my home for the betterment of my community?

Really, I just like covered parking.