Good news for clumsy people everywhere

Where have I been, and where is my brain? Firstly, celebrating the great good news that the 5 second rule for eating food off the floor is indeed valid. H is clumsy, given her lack of right sided motor skills, but then again, C and I drop our fair share of food on the floor. When both kids were still at Kids Kampus, I agreed with the 5 second rule wholeheartedly since my blessed daycare seemed to mop the floors once an hour or so. Since I was often there I was in the know about their cleaning efforts, as I came at random times to either meet an Early Intervention caseworker or to pickup and return my child. My house, though, has rarely been cleaned as frequently. OK, never. Whatever. And now, thanks to PTSD (thank you MCADD and Lord Honey, not) my house is never clean enough that I would think eating off my floors a great idea. So news reports this week of a study testing the five second rule and finding it valid were welcome here. Check NPR or Google it, the news is in, picking up food quickly really does make it safer.  Hooray for us! H has absolutely no fear of eating food she drops, and since we became dog free a couple years ago when Sophie went to Dog  Heaven, I stopped being quite so worried about what the floor might harbor that could sicken or kill a person who might eat the odd unwrapped chocolate or piece of cheese that dropped. Let's skip right over the deer poo in my yard, literally and figuratively, OK? Like in the Lego movie, Everything is Awesome! We can retrieve each Samoa and jelly bean and stuff it in, provided we are quick about it. Is it wrong to feel so happy about being slovenly and clumsy? I say no. In my never ending quest for affirming optimism, I say ... Yay!

Secondly, I have been internet sleuthing literacy and Common Core and related stuff, not because my kids are failing, but because the homework they get just makes me ... wonder.

Thirdly, the time just gets away from me. When I ask aloud where the time goes, C generally says that an old man takes it and almost never gives it back. I think this goes back to me telling her something random about Father Time, and maybe her seeing weirdly drawn cartoons of the new year as a baby and such. Lawyers sometimes file a Motion to Enlarge Time, which I have always wanted to file but I could never figure out on whom I might serve the motion. Maybe later this week . . .

The lion may lie down with the lamb, but I lie down with the laundry

Today feels somehow confessional to me, so I will spill some more about being somewhat nuts.  It may also apply to the grief stricken, recovering addict, or other types of crazy but somehow I just associate it with my PTSD/anxiety/depression and being tired.  I don't have the energy I used to have and I don't know when it may come back but when it does I certainly hope it will include laundry doing.

I sleep with my clothes. My clean clothes. And my kids' clean clothes, because I can't stand to put them away, apparently.  This is a side benefit of becoming single, whether by death or divorce, when your bed is suddenly bigger than it was, you can just pile up the clothes that are supposed to get put away, and voila! no more empty bed syndrome. A goodly pile of clothes will weigh down your comforter so you can't use it all, just like sharing the bed with someone full sized does!  No snoring, no body odor, no mansand on your sheet, and no pesky hours spent trying to stuff your drawers and closets with last week's fashions. If you keep the pile small then you can have a pint sized child in or on that side of the bed for snuggles and book time and still not have to tackle that chore. Yes, you can use my idea! You're welcome!

This household tip brought to you courtesy of product sponsor "I Can't Believe it's A Laundry Basket!"

the Friday Haiku, a day late, a dollar short, personal review

Did I forget to
to thank you, for soup you brought me
after the funeral?

My manners so suck!
Alas, I am still crazy,
no note will follow.

Next time a person
dies and you want to give gifts
to the kids, please don't.

Instead of soft toys
give them your time and presence.
Those things don't pile up.