Hello, is that you?

Are you still here?  God help me I don't know why you are here, I haven't been.  Maybe you are still here because you heard that I've gotten a little cuter lately?  I can tell because the Jiffy Lube man touched my bare leg today (he pretended he was removing the paper protecting my car's interior from greasy boots) and he left a grease streak across my very white knee, as he smiled his toothless smile at me and told me how much he enjoyed giving great customer service.  His gums do the talking while his fingers do the walking - I was just so impressed.  It is rare that I need to use Goop to clean my legs after I run errands, but some days you just know fortune favors you.  Really, I got a sassy new summer haircut, bought a couple of floral summer dresses at Target and I am CUTE!  I know the man without teeth thought so because he was so willing to share his stories with me, impressing me with how-to tips on getting small animal body parts off engines (milk and tomato juice) and other things too powerful to share here in such a public forum.  Well OK, he did (conspiratorially) sneak two coffee packets off the free drinks cart and tell me the secret to solving corrosion on battery terminals using only black coffee.  But that is all I am going to say about that.  I bet he could get those teeth back if he wanted to.  And his grease looked so . . . dark . . . on my knee.  Ah well, perhaps I'll just stick with the husband I have.   He also thinks I am cute.  I know because he pinched my derriere.   And he didn't leave a stain on my new dress when he did it.