Some of the craziest sounding PTSD symptoms I have involve the sensation of skittering on my feet while my mind is racing as I try to get things done. All of the body stuff is just plain weird but certain things are so nonsensical I don't like to even describe them, so saying I feel I am skittering out of control when I just need to do an errand is the best I can do. I know and am conscious of the fact that I am not required to go one hundred miles an hour but I feel as if I should and as I think of the steps involved, to say, get groceries, I feel mounting tension and so I just stop and do less or nothing. This explains why my house looks so bad, the do less feature, and also is part of why I seem to do nothing compared to pre-PTSD /sobriety life. I am going to check with my therapist on Thursday but I think the unease I feel that sort of paralyzes me is really about doing too much, the perfectionism trait common to addicts/alcoholics/women who work and deal with special needs kids and a million other things. All this therapy I have been getting and I just figured out I need to give myself permission to fail. Bugger.
Mother of two, step-mom to two more. Married. Work in the theatre of the absurd, behind the curtain, and pulling the strings. First daughter was a preemie, new Baby has MCADD, or Medium Chain Acyl-CoA Dehydrogenase Deficiency (Mighty Crappy Aggravating Disorder) and mild Cerebral Palsy, because the fun never stops around here. Foggy mind. If I wore a button it would say: Lose mind now, Ask me how! Things you might find here: bits and pieces of fluff about babies with wacky disorders, mommying, knitting very slowly, and stuff I don't say at work. If you want to send me free stuff just email me at gingerbblog at gmail.