The Belgian Waffle Meme

A glutton for punishment, I did this one voluntarily . . . hoping Jaywalker will send an autographed picture of the Waffle Capybara in return. If you don't like the other meme, do this one instead.

1. Are you a male or female: Surely the ginormous chest gives me away.

2. Describe yourself: I recently had a giggle fit when I had an “Aha!” moment while obsessively brushing “man-sand” out of my bed. Also known as body gravel, it rides in on my husband and fills the bed. I must sweep it out before I can lie down, I usually harrumph some while sweeping. I giggled when I had a thought of what it must be like to peaceably get in bed and then have me show up. Horrors! This should give no one the impression I am a clean freak, I just can’t sleep in sand unless I am on a beach. Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen, but I am pretty fortunate and fairly well able to notice and appreciate my good fortune. Except lately, when I feel I am careening about in a storn and unable to get my bearings, but I will improve pretty soon. My glass is half full even when it has floaters.

3. How do you feel about yourself: Irritated, frustrated, hyper critical. Like a mentally abusive spouse. Hmm, I didn’t change this answer from Jaywalker’s. No one has ever been as hard on me as me. I deserve better. One of us is a stupid cow.

4. Describe your parents: Nutty like fruitcakes.

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriends: the Highlights: the anarchist with big soft eyes (age 14-18); the rabid vegetarian with a surprisingly controlling attitude about garlic and onions being “base” and therefore not included in one’s diet (a mere 8 months or so at age 20, but I loooooooooved him); the Glaswegian boy who could have read me the phone book and I would have gone to bed with him but we were both high demand, high performing egos and the fighting and pressure to stay together in order to be together (and his dominating and Catholic mother) drove us apart after three years of a usually long distance relationship with all its attendant farewells in airports (SLC, Glasgow, London, Stuttgart, Berlin) (age 21-24). I am glossing over the lesser knowns – the guitarist, the Peruvian man whose heart I crushed when he asked to lie down in my direty bathwater and I said "no,", and the legion of bad “dates” that couldn’t take a girl anywhere but straight to hell. Hey, I just remembered how glad I am to be married and off the market. Hooray!

6. Describe your current boy/girl situation: Lord Honey, so named since I so often say “Lord, Honey . . .” right before I criticize his very existence. A good, gentle, kind man, skilled in some of the husbandy arts, very handsome, underemployed, overly addicted to mindless video games and TV, tolerant of my quirks.

7. Describe your current location: A small but cozy just remodeled by the husband family room, with a mindless aging standard poodle at my feet, Lord Honey by my side killing aliens and North Koreans because that makes sense in a video game. Babies sleeping peacefully upstairs, as they are wont to do in the middle of the night.

8. Describe where you want to be: Happily by myself on a beach. Hawaii or Mexico, or anywhere with waves and sand and a bit of shade.

9. Your best friend(s) is/are: Funny. Shitty at singing which is too bad, because we would be singer songwriters for certain if we didn't suck at music.

10. Your favourite colour is: PINK. If you make a typo spelling PINK it will most likely be OINK. Does this mean anything? Fifty percent of my clothes are black, because black makes me make you look better, so you feel charitable and say something nice. I used to think black made me look smaller, but let’s face it, being smaller makes you look smaller.

11. You know that: Very few situations can’t be at least somewhat improved by cheese.

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: You'll never see it coming.

13. What is life to you: Remember the song, Roller Coaster of Love? My love doesn’t really go up and down, I mostly get a lot, but the living part seems to zoom around quite a lot these days, what with the laughing and the crying, the crying and the laughing.

14. What is the best advice you have to give? They don't catch the smart ones, so run faster.