Monday, February 2, 2009

Gas - we have it! Food - we have it! Lodging - it's here!

WARNING: this post contains references to bodily excretions. Sensitive readers should just look at the pictures of cute kiddos. Food! Gas! Lodging! Here at Chez Dward we are reduced to our most basic life functions of eating, engaging in various activities that follow eating, and then resting from our bodily functions and labors, in tiny little chunks of time. Excretions: we got 'em! Child #1 eats like a big girl, and poos like a big girl. She needs to potty train. Need I say more? Child #2 can poo like a big girl, especially if she coughs when not wearing her diaper. Mommy can poo like a big girl too, but prefers not to talk about it in polite company. Not wanting to be outdone by her big sister in grossing out the parents, little infantina is practicing the ancient art of mucous making, and uses her version of the back-to-school cold to glue her own eyes shut while sleeping. Farting: the smaller the human who lives here, the more gas comes out. Weight: Baby gains it, Mommy loses it, but not quite as fast as Baby, disproving the old maxim that within any given group of people the number of pounds are constant although the distribution between people may change. Daddy and #1 remain relatively static in their poundage. Hair: Mommy cut hers off, choosing a sassy new mommy-do, while #2's hair falls out from the front back, leaving a cute little Mohawk. Again, Daddy and #1 have little to report in the hair loss department. Books: #1 likes them, likes to hold them up and read them to you, and likes to show them to her sister. Mommy is ready to step up from bad gossip magazines and get back to the world of books. Send recommendations, please. Dates: Mommy and Daddy have a standing date with an alarm clock, a breast pump, a bottle and a slightly damp baby. #1 had a date with her toddler boyfriend, and the two won matching blow up hammers in a somewhat rigged game at the State Fair. Guess who had more fun?

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