Saturday, May 8, 2010

I'm Fighting the Battle of the Bulge. Send lawyers, guns, and money.

I can't believe how far I've come, to let things go this far downhill, but I can't take it anymore, and I am now formally and fully committing myself to losing weight and getting more fit. Will I be thin, in the end? Probably not. But it would be nice to match my miniature people somewhat. And I clearly need to reduce in size to be able to adequately chase Claire, or take Hannah down a slide in the guise of therapy. I think if I had not had to move about helping Hannah get mobile I would have been able to ignore this state of affairs a bit longer, but the strain on my weak neck from crawling about made my neck ache, my head pound, and my middle big and squishy. OK, maybe the middle was already squishy, but anyway . . . The last six months have made it apparent that I simply have to make changes and I really can't afford to wait anymore, for Hannah and Claire and for me. I went back to physical therapy two months ago to work on my neck specifically, and found that PT exercises for necks have changed a lot since right after my neck fusion surgery thirteen years ago. Although I was given exercises to do after my surgery, I did not get the breadth of information that I got this go round. I make faces and blow raspberries at the therapists, just because I can, and when I've had days where I couldn't turn my head to the right I blamed them but soldiered on. I have been faithful about stretching every day, and then working on strengthening my neck and all the supporting muscles of the upper body. For years I have been going to a gym, where I walk on a treadmill or use an elliptical trainer and I always tell myself that I am just getting back into exercise, so I shouldn't or needn't work too hard. I have been playing this mind game now since before Claire was born, and the upshot is that I barely sweat at all when I "work out" because I've really not been working very hard. So, last week, I saw a Jazzercise sign out in front of a community enter near me. I went to Jazzercise three to six times a week for about ten years, and although I wasn't thin, at least I was fit-ish, and my neck really caused me very little pain, unless I raked too many leaves, or paddled too hard on a river trip, or did something one sided or extreme. I called the number, got the schedule and this week I went back to Jazzercise. As I huffed and puffed my way through the first class on Wednesday I shed a few tears of joy to be back. I'm certain no one saw the tears through the sweat that soaked my face. I have not exercised hard enough to sweat into my eyes like that in going on five years. I went back on Friday, and today, and signed up for the whole summer. And right now I can barely move. I am pounding pills, taking fish oil and cal-mag, doubling up on vitamins and tonight I am going to bed kinda early and considering a massage for tomorrow. I had no idea my lower back was so weak, and adductors? I guess I haven't had much call to lift my leg sideways lately. So now I can't stick out a hip to park a child on it, without pulling on twenty different sore muscles. I keep thinking of that Far Side cartoon, where the cowboy is all shot full of arrows and says "Yeah it hurts Jeb, but it's a good hurt." This, by the way, is a joke that will not translate to your physical therapist if she is from Ukraine and did not grow up getting a Far Side book every Christmas. If I get through the next week then I am home free. But did all ya'll know there are muscles in your ribcage that seem to connect to both your hips and your neck? This baffles me. Maybe there is a supplement for that.


  1. Yay for you! I love the pain caused by exercise. It's a good and righteous pain indeed!

  2. It's time to let your Ukrainian therapist in on the joke. Life without Larson is incomplete.