Who I used to be

Last night I had a whopping three drinks and I can barely keep it together today. Three! Working in criminal court will quell any appreciation for "tolerance" as a truly positive personal attribute when it comes to alcohol use, but I am not the woman I used to be when it comes to drinking and dancing. Truthfully it is likely not the alcohol that dragged me down as much as the sleepless night with a feverish baby who wakes and sleeps in fits and starts, but with vodka tonics before the sleepless night, well, let's just say I am not the brightest star in the heavens.

I struggled also today with returning a defective "smart" phone and selecting a different model thinking our smarts might match better. Technology just isn't my thing. Even though I love this blog I still haven't made it pretty and sleek and I still have no blogroll and I lack many other things I can't yet even name, because the tech part will never be the part for me. It is wonderful that my laptop can let me leap from place to place but the how, why, whistle and bell just don't don't hold my interest.

Some of my friends have teased me for having a cell phone and not giving out the number, even to people I liked (true). Others joked about how I actually used a pay as you go phone for years because I didn't really need more than that. When I got a RAZR three years ago I thought I was movin' on up, but was informed two and a half years ago that my phone was obsolete (also apparently true). I accept that I will never be on the cutting edge. I submit.

Weirder still, I have realized that I am not the shopper I was. I used to love to plunk down my card with a host of rationalizations about why I could spend money I didn't have. I liked to get new stuff and then take it someplace to show it off. Clothing sprees became distasteful as my weight increased from young adulthood. Bra shopping was the highest level of torture but some relief came in the Cinnabon stores at every mall. Now I find the getting of regular household stuff incredibly tedious. I get sweaty and annoyed just deciding on a product and the number of choices I have directly increases my tension. I'm sort of overwhelmed by the stuff I have and feeling a bit guilty for having it (except baby gear, which defies all reason, everywhere, I am certain). I generally combine all my errands not just to save time but to get the shopping over and done with so I can get back to my life. People, tell me, should I be worried? Am I leaving my old self too far behind? Shouldn't I like shopping more? Have I totally lost touch with myself and my inner spendthrift? Does this mean I am becoming a man?